You must realize that it is imperative for some men to share their thoughts as quickly as possible. The danger is this. Thoughts risk the fate of being thought and then promptly forgotten, evaporating quickly into ethereal subconsciousness and leaving man alone in the "nothing box". You might have been a witness to this when you told your husband to get something at the store. He thinks to himself, "I must remember to get such and such an item at the store." At this crucial fork in the road he must make two choices; A) he shares his thoughts with his wife or a notepad in order to remind him of these important thoughts later down the road, or B) the thought is thought and promptly forgotten.
Now, I must be fair to those polished men who have developed the womanly attribute of presence. This attribute is the ability to keep a certain thought present, even after it has been thought and other thoughts are still occurring!!! This attribute also goes by the alias of short term memory. It's cousin is long term memory. Somehow, these attributes seem more prevalent in the females; but occasionally you find men who have either been trained by women or are naturally hard workers and have developed this skill. To those men able of thinking and retaining thoughts after thinking other thoughts, I commend you! Bravo! You surely are our banner boys.
As for me, I think most of my thoughts are usually forgotten after a certain shelf life. I'm rather attached to certain thoughts and don't relishing them dying. Hence, I'm going to enjoin the following thoughts with Melissa's, and perhaps yours, so they can party together. Maybe some will hook up and engender new thoughts. (We call these cute little "baby" thoughts).
Now, by this time you have been waiting for four paragraphs to see what is so weighty about waiting. Hopefully, the wait didn't kill your initial thoughts about how intriguing my post title was. The fact of the matter is that Melissa and I, as well as the rest of mankind, have done a lot of waiting around. The more we focused on waiting, the heavier that waiting got. Waiting for something to happen can feel like living in a compression chamber. It bears down on you and you begin to produce impatience. Impatience can be a lot like sweat. It can make you all grimy and wet and stinky to everyone around you.
 |
| This is how I feel when I'm in that compression chamber grappling with a weighty matter |
Melissa has shared with you about the pregnancy. At week 28 we were told that it was likely that she would give birth very soon, possibly tomorrow. But, don't panic, we'll see how things go and wait till the morning. We proceeded to wait till tomorrow for 8 weeks. In the midst of this we had some very trying family experiences, but there was nothing we could really do to help resolve them. We just had to wait and see how things turned out and go from there. Next, there was my assignment. I was originally assigned to Minot, ND with the USAF. We really wanted to be assigned to F.E. Warren so we could be closer to family. I made certain petitions to my commanders and peers, but nothing panned out. During this time, our family was anxiously waiting to hear where we'd be assigned. After our initial attempt to be reassigned failed, another avenue opened up through the Exceptional Family Medical Program (I think that's what the acronym means, I always forget that thought). This program made it possible to factor in the medical needs of the Airman's family in where he/she was assigned. In this case, Lydia's heart condition was the initial factor, Melissa's health the being final. But, we needed to do a lot more testing before we could determine what those needs were. So, we did the testing for Lydia, waited for the results to come back, and are still waiting the appropriate time before Melissa undergoes tests.
Everything, it seemed, was up in the air. We could not affect how quickly uncertain circumstance resolved into resolution. There was no catalyst to speed up the chemical reaction of life and time. Waiting for the future to unfold threatened to become a terrible weight of uncertainty. You all know the feeling. Think of how awful it was to wait for your birthday or Christmas to come around as kid, torture. I think the younger we are the more susceptible we are to what I'm coining "weighting". Weighting is the process by which we focus on waiting for something to occur. It usually entails a lot of worry as well. It's a tabata workout where every exercise is impatience. It is exhausting. The bad thing is, the more we weight (yes I know, it's usually a noun, but I'm taking liberty to make it into a verbal noun), the heavier weighting gets. The sad thing is that we don't get any stronger or better at waiting by weighting. That's the irony in "weighting". The question then is, how do we get better at waiting? How do we find peace in the moment?
 |
| How you feel when grappling with a weighty matter. |
I'd suggest a different workout. (I know, horrible puns, it's a bad habit of mine). If ever we had to wait for something to occur, I found that focusing on doing something else relieved me of "weighting". My crew partner, Brad Hayes-Raugh, always encouraged me to not waste energy on something I couldn't affect. If I goofed up in a trainer ride, he helped me get over it in a jiffy because, well, it was in the past and it was time to move on. There was no sense in worrying about an upcoming trainer ride, 'cause well, it wouldn't help. As Melissa and I focused on doing what we could, and not "weighting" on things to come, we found relief. However, relief doesn't equate to peace. Peace in the moment came from an assurance from God that all would be well.
Prayer, as it is defined in the LDS Bible Dictionary, is a form of work. It is an act of faith whereby the will of the Father and that of the child come into correspondence. If we are humble and submissive, we are able to align our will to that of God's. That's assuming we come to understand what that will is. Sometimes all we get is the feeling that all will be well and to trust Him.
There was so much in our extended stay in Lompoc that has blessed Melissa and I. It gave us the rest we needed to recover from a very nerve-racking pregnancy. I was blessed to have amazing instructors in my Minot class and extended mentoring time with other captains. I had more occasions to rub shoulders with men and women in our church that had a lot to teach me. Melissa has been able to be in a location where sunshine is prevalent and temperature amiable to long walks. All of which have been enabling factors in her incredible journey towards greater health and, potentially, another shot at a future pregnancy.
To all of you under the burden of "Weighting", I feel ya. I pray that you can find peace in the moment through faith in our Savior Jesus Christ. He invites all of us to "Come unto [Him], all...that labour and are heavy laden, and [He] will give you rest." (Matt 11:28, imphassis added)
To all of our family and friends, I thank you for your love and support. To our church family here in Lompoc, if any of you follow our blog (I don't actually know who does follow our blog), thanks a million for all the meals and service.
Now, go share your thoughts with your spouse or a notepad before they become forgotten!
-Joseph
P.S. Thanks Melissa for giving me greater presence in life.
P.S.S. In case you hadn't heard, we were finally assigned to F.E. Warren in Cheyenne. See how I made you Wait till the very end to find that out? Hopefully you weren't "Weighting" that entire time!
No comments:
Post a Comment