A Year Ago

I originally give Millie and Brooke's adoption story here.  Today I'm more journaling my thoughts, feelings, experiences, and realizations over the last year.  My thoughts jump around a lot, so bear with it.

I remember one day seeing a blog post in an adoption Facebook group from a mom who adopted newborn twins.  I'm not typically a jealous person, but I remember having a covetous moment thinking "how in the world did she get so lucky?  I would give anything to have healthy newborn twins!"  Little did I know that just a few months after this I would be in a similar situation.

One year ago I was a total mess.  We were in Arizona waiting for Millie and Brooke to be born any day now.  Other adoption opportunities had come and gone, but this was the farthest we had ever gotten.  My anxiety and emotions were definitely getting the better of me.

We met Tuesday the 22nd with our future birth family at Cafe Rio after A's doctor's appointment.  The amniocentesis came back that the girl's had developed lungs, and a C-section was scheduled for the next day. I don't think I slept at all that night. 

Now this next part I actually feel extreme guilt over.  Typically one support person is allowed to accompany a mother into a c-section.  A added to the selflessness of already placing her children with us by allowing me to be that one person. The babies were born fairly quickly (a whole 17 seconds apart), and per A's request were immediately taken from the room.  I followed the babies out.  Fast forward nine months later as I'm laying in my own c-section.  I realized how hard this all was, and I wasn't even placing my child for adoption.  I dang well left A all alone in surgery!  If I could do it again, I would have someone who could have stayed with A the whole time.  I could have waited a few minutes to meet my babies.  I left her high and dry!  So, I'm sorry A.  Please forgive my selfishness.

That the babies were so healthy was nothing short of a miracle.  After being part of several twin mom groups for the past year, I've seen the complications that can come from twin births: preterm labor, twin to twin transfusion, several moms have even lost their twins in freak health conditions.  Due to life circumstances, A didn't receive prenatal care until about 32-33 weeks.  The girls were born just a few weeks after that.  Besides blood sugar issues from gestational diabetes, there were no complications.  No low birth weight, no jaundice, nothing.  The Lord was looking out for these girls in a big way.

Those initial moments in the hospital were so surreal.  I couldn't believe my dream of two years was actually happening, and in the most ideal way I could have imagined.  Honestly it was a dichotomy of emotions.  Here I was overjoyed for my own blessings, but seeing A's difficulties in placing her babies completely broke my heart.  Not to even mention that she had gone through major surgery that ended up not going as planned and had to have several transfusions and such.  Such a physical and emotional toll, and knowing I was partly the cause of it was very difficult.

Newborn twins is no joke.  I thought I was prepared for twins, seeing as I was a teenager when my younger twin siblings were born and how my first two children were a year apart.  Boy was I wrong.  Two babies at one time is a whole new dimension that I was not prepared for.  Sometimes I would feel such guilt over wanting to sleep so badly knowing how much I had prayed and yearned for these babies. 

We have a fairly open adoption worked out. I post pictures a few times a week to our birth family Facebook page and often give updates on the girls.  We have gone to visit a couple of times.  I love that if there are ever any questions that Millie and Brooke have, I can direct them to their birth mother to ask.  People will often ask me how A is doing, and truthfully I don't know.  Our relationship is primarily superficial and only involves Millie and Brooke.  I do wish it was stronger in that regard, and now that my energies are not so spent on newborns and pregnancy, I would like to strengthen that relationship.

People now will ask "How did you do it.  How did you manage to adopt two beautiful, healthy babies?".  To this day I have no answer for that.  For all intents and purposes, we weren't an extremely desirable couple.  We had two small children already--both a boy and a girl.  We lived no where near the birth parents.  But I feel like the Lord had a hand in the whole endeavor.  

For some reason whenever I go out in public with my children, people always say "So you're done, right?"  Thank you for making that decision for me.  Here's the deal. As far as pregnancies go, we are definitely done.  This last pregnancy broke me down in every way possible: physically, emotionally, mentally.  And while it wasn't as deadly as predicted (doctors said I would be lucky if I made it to viability, and we made it all the way to 37 weeks), it was definitely one of the most difficult things I have had to endure and I did, indeed, end up with pre-eclampsia a third time.  Those nine months were awful and I am never putting myself through that again.  The only redeeming factor is that we did end up with a healthy baby at the end, which is much more than many can say.

However, this was our conversation about a week after Ruth was born.

Joseph: So this is probably a really bad time since you're hurting and emotional and haven't slept in months, but I feel like we're going to adopt again.

Me (much to his surprise):  Yeah, I know.  I've felt it too.

Now what this means, I do not know.  I don't know if we'll pursue international adoption in ten years, or be foster parents when our children are teenagers, or heaven forbid something happen to a family member of mine and we take custody of their children.  However the means and circumstance, our family isn't quite finished.  But we're not adding to it any time soon (meaning not within the next decade as far as I can see).

Now while I haven't slept in a year, I am forever grateful for the miracles that are our children.  I could never have seen a year ago where I would be today: with three beautiful little girls added to our family.  Millie and Brooke are such happy souls that daily bring joy to our lives and I feel continually honored to be called their mother.

Adoption Finalization

After three follow-up home studies, 7 months, and a junk load of money, we were able to officially finalize Brooke and Millie's adoption.

I splurged and bought the girls some new cute outfits (which I literally almost never do. Our poor children will always be in used clothing, ha).  This was a special day, indeed!

Everyone at the court houses, including our judge and attorney, were incredibly kind and happy about the whole experience.  Apparently in court, the cases are typically difficult, so when a happy adoption one came along, they were all too willing to be excited for us.

Our judge (I wish I had caught his name, darn it!) simply asked if we still wanted to adopt the girls (Duh!), offered to Lydia and Hyrum to make an amendment in the adoption decree that we would be legally bound to offer cookies and milk every Wednesday, and then signed the final adoption decree.  And we were done.  The entire case took about five minutes.

Our attorney, Doug Bailey, was fantastic.

Our good friends the Hignights also joined us as child holders and pictures takers :)

As a follow up, just two days ago (four months after finalization) we finally received the girls' birth certificates and can apply for social security cards.  If you ever want to get me off on a rant about government bureaucracy, ask me about that process.

Ruth Anna's Birth Story

There's so much I want to write about and remember, so I will start with the most recent.  

We welcomed our precious baby Ruth Anna Neary on July 1st at 8:14AM weighing in at 7lb 5.6oz at 37 weeks.

At 35 weeks I got a massive headache and was seeing spots; symptoms that, unfortunately, I was far too familiar with.  After a blood pressure check I was admitted to the hospital for pre-eclampsia.  Medicine and steroid shots were started right away as we waited for lab results to come back.

My 24 hour urine content was off the charts!  The most the hospital had ever seen, in fact. (9.2g if anyone was wondering)  But my liver and kidneys were still holding up strong, and my blood pressure was able to be stabilized.  I was sent home a few days later (at 36 weeks) on strict bed rest with daily check ups and a c-section scheduled at 37 weeks if I should make it that far.  

 One last baby bump pic the night before c-section

We arrived bright and early Friday morning, checking in with a blood pressure of 190/100 (yay!), so they got to delivery pretty quickly.  I'll be truthful and say I totally hate c-sections, especially c-sections with gross medicines, vomiting, and dumb reactions to narcotics.  The only thing getting me through was that beautiful baby at the end.

And boy was she worth it!

(This is Joseph's absolute favorite picture, haha)

Having five children has definitely been an adjustment, especially now that it's almost a month later and all the family is gone and Joseph's paternity leave used up.  Some days I'll feel like a supermom, and a lot others we just barely survive through the day.  In my defense, I felt this way with all my children, even when we only had one, and we always figure it out.  The first two months are always the hardest :)

I wouldn't change how it worked out for anything, though.  All five of our babies are miracles in one way or another, and I thank God every day that I get the privilege to be their mother!

Millie and Brooke's Sealing and Blessing Day

I will be honest.  I really am not that good with words, especially ones dear to me.  That really is Joseph's realm of expertise, so bear with me as I try to describe this incredibly precious day.

As a background, members of the LDS church believe that families can be united together for eternity and exist as a familial unit beyond death.  This is done in temples around the world (to learn more about temples, click here).  After Millie and Brooke's adoption was finalized, we were able to take them to the nearest temple in Denver, Colorado to have the sealing ceremony performed.

The fifteen minute ceremony was without a doubt one of the most spiritual, if not the most spiritual, times I have ever experienced.  As I looked around at my little family, now eternally including Millie and Brooke, I simply cried tears of joy.  Our family surrounded us in love and support.  The spirit in that room is a feeling I don't think I will ever forget in this lifetime. Such a beautiful manifestation of the love the Lord has for our family, and the love Joseph and I have for our children.

The next day (Mother's Day, and coincidentally, my birthday) Joseph gave Millie and Brooke a name and a blessing in the LDS church.  Typically this is done when the babies are much younger, but we couldn't bless them until the adoption was finalized.  Once again it was a beautiful experience, surrounded by those who loved us, and another reminder of how blessed we are to have these two girls in our lives.  They will be great tools in the Lord's hands!

Six Months of Twin Bliss

Be prepared for a picture and information overload.  That's what happens when I only blog every six months!

Millie and Brooke are doing fantastic!

And can you believe they are six months old?  The only thing we are waiting on right now is a court date to go in and finalize their adoption.  Then they are officially, officially ours!

Millie

Is our "bigger" baby at 15lb 15oz.  She is farther ahead physically and loves to sit, stand, and roll to her delight.  

Brooke

Is our "smaller" baby at 15lb 11oz (they are very close in size). She is ahead cognitively, meaning she is our smiler and talker.   

She had a rough few weeks with an upper respiratory infection and a few days in the hospital, but is very healthy now!

Both babies are sleeping fairly well at night (waking up 1-2 a night to eat. Typical for their age.) And while in my last post I said I though they were fraternal, I would bet really good money now that they are identical.  Every height, weight, and head circumference has been exactly the same (up until this last appointment where they were 4oz different), and they get mixed up all the time!  One day I'll actually splurge and get the genetic testing done.  But for now, identical is what I am going with.

In other news, if you didn't hear, we found out we were very unexpectedly and miraculously pregnant!

 And it is another girl!

While the thought of having five children UNDER the age of four (that's right, Lydia will still be three), is overwhelming, we couldn't be more excited for how our little family has turned out.  It was beyond our wildest dreams to have three children in one year!  We love having our children close together (if we can survive the next year, that is, ha!)

We are overwhelmed by all the help and support we have received from family and friends. We cannot count the blessing we have received this last year, and can't wait for this next year!  Though if I don't blog for a while, it's because we are in complete survival mode tackling 3 under 1!

One big happy family!

 They don't make five kid strollers...darn

Musings on One Month

As I ponder on this last month, I can't help but be filled with gratitude for the events that happened in our lives.  We have been blessed beyond measure.  Our adoption situation is nothing short of ideal.  From being able to adopt healthy, newborn twins to being present for their birth to our open adoption with their birth family and especially their amazing birth mother.  My highest hopes did not even go that far.  Hindsight is 20/20, and when I look back on the adoption situations that never worked out, it is easy to see now that the Lord had a better plan for us.  I really hope that I have gained some perspective and trust in the Lord from this experience.  I hold Millie and Brooke alone at night during their feedings, and I just want to cry from how beautiful they are.  I guess it still hasn't quite hit that they are mine forever, and I get the amazing opportunity to be their mom. 

Now to the girls.  The transition from 2 to 4 kids was much easier than I anticipated, and also much harder than I had anticipated.  I think the experience is easier because I am not recovering from months of bedrest/ tons of drugs/ gaining 60lb/ or a c section.  It is a perk of adopting that I am at my peak physical fitness and don't have any baby weight to lose- score!  Also, no raging hormones.  That's a plus.  Also, I'm much more laid back with these babies than with my other two.  The girls themselves haven't actually been much of a challenge at all.  They are very typical newborns- not even a big of colic!

Now the difficult part is having four kids under four.  With Millie and Brooke eating four times each night, and Hyrum and Lydia experiencing some serious regression in behavior, we have been in survival mode for a few weeks.  Most days it's all I can do to take a shower, and we have watched far too much TV, but I know that this is temporary.  Already the situation is getting.  Hyrum and Lydia seem to be getting used to their sisters, and their behavior has improved dramatically the last few days.  Also, Millie and Brooke are sleeping longer, so we are down to three feedings a night, which has made all the difference.  We even managed to get out of the house this week and go pick some pumpkins.  

The love and support felt from our friends and family is beyond anything I expected.  Countless gifts, dinners, babysitting so I can get a nap, and helping out at church (since I often am there alone-thank you, Air Force).  I promise I will get all those thank you notes out soon!  I have definitely have fallen behind.  

Millie and Brooke's Adoption Story

The last few weeks have been a life-changing, incredible whirlwind.  Frankly, we're still in shock that it actually all happened.

Introducing:
Millie Allison and Brooke Brianne Neary
Born Wednesday, September 23rd at 5:04 PM (both were out within the same minute)
Millie weighed 6lbs 8oz, and Brooke weight 6lbs, 12oz
Both were 18in. long.

On Wednesday, September 2, My Aunt Ally called and told me that her best friend's sister (you got that?) was pregnant with boy/girl twins and was considering placing them for adoption.  We got the call that they wanted to meet with us, and we flew down to Arizona that night!

The first meeting with the birth parents, A and R, went really, really well.  I fell in love with A instantly!  She's a beautiful woman with a selfless heart.  We talked for a few hours about ourselves, about adoption, about our families, and a whole slew of topics.  Afterwards they let us know that they had chosen our family to adopt their twins!  I don't think I've ever been more excited (or nervous).  Because A found us on her own and not through an agency, we decided to pursue a private adoption (only meaning we have our own attorneys instead of going through an agency).

Our attorney, social worker, and NICU nurse

The next three weeks were filled with playdates with A and her adorable son, E, lunch dates with the family and attending doctor's appointments and ultrasounds.  At the first ultrasound our boy/girl twins turned into twin girls.  Talk about a shock!

 

On Tuesday, A let me know that she was scheduled for a C-section the next day.  She was only allowed one person in the operating room with her, and I was honored that she let me (Melissa) go in with her!  After having experienced two C-sections myself, it was so strange to be on the other side.  Anyone who knows me knows I hate needles, so I was an awful support system through all the blood draws, IV, and anesthesia.  I'm glad A was patient with me!



At 5:04, both girls were born within about 30 seconds of each other.  It was an incredible experience!


Brooke



Millie

  Though their lungs had been shown as mature through an amniocentesis, they both struggled with respiratory issues and were put into the NICU.  Millie soon overcame her struggles, but Brooke continued to need extra care for the next little bit

.  The hospital kept them both in the NICU for us so the girls could still be together.



Millie / Brooke

We were able to take the babies home fairly quickly!  We are incredibly grateful and in awe of the blessings that have become part of our family.




Common Questions:

Did you get to name the babies?
Legally, we do, but we talked about it extensively (their names changed about 5 times) with A and we finally decided on Millie and Brooke.





Are they identical?

A didn't have an ultrasound soon enough to see if the babies were identical or fraternal.  They did have different placentas, so there is only a 30% chance they are identical.  For now we're thinking they are fraternal

since they each have some distinct facial features, though despite the differences we have still mixed them up a few times.

 

Millie                                                       Brooke

When can you go home?

It will take an additional 7-10 days to receive permission to cross state borders, but then we will be home free to WY!

Is this an open adoption?

This is a VERY open adoption.  We inherited a slew of cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents with the adoption of these beauties.  We are looking forward to a life of open communication, lots of visits, pictures, videos, gifts, and love from every angle.  These girls are blessed beyond measure!

Birth Grandma (Grammy) with Brooke

We've officially given up on family pictures for the next few years :)