A Year Ago

I originally give Millie and Brooke's adoption story here.  Today I'm more journaling my thoughts, feelings, experiences, and realizations over the last year.  My thoughts jump around a lot, so bear with it.

I remember one day seeing a blog post in an adoption Facebook group from a mom who adopted newborn twins.  I'm not typically a jealous person, but I remember having a covetous moment thinking "how in the world did she get so lucky?  I would give anything to have healthy newborn twins!"  Little did I know that just a few months after this I would be in a similar situation.

One year ago I was a total mess.  We were in Arizona waiting for Millie and Brooke to be born any day now.  Other adoption opportunities had come and gone, but this was the farthest we had ever gotten.  My anxiety and emotions were definitely getting the better of me.

We met Tuesday the 22nd with our future birth family at Cafe Rio after A's doctor's appointment.  The amniocentesis came back that the girl's had developed lungs, and a C-section was scheduled for the next day. I don't think I slept at all that night. 

Now this next part I actually feel extreme guilt over.  Typically one support person is allowed to accompany a mother into a c-section.  A added to the selflessness of already placing her children with us by allowing me to be that one person. The babies were born fairly quickly (a whole 17 seconds apart), and per A's request were immediately taken from the room.  I followed the babies out.  Fast forward nine months later as I'm laying in my own c-section.  I realized how hard this all was, and I wasn't even placing my child for adoption.  I dang well left A all alone in surgery!  If I could do it again, I would have someone who could have stayed with A the whole time.  I could have waited a few minutes to meet my babies.  I left her high and dry!  So, I'm sorry A.  Please forgive my selfishness.

That the babies were so healthy was nothing short of a miracle.  After being part of several twin mom groups for the past year, I've seen the complications that can come from twin births: preterm labor, twin to twin transfusion, several moms have even lost their twins in freak health conditions.  Due to life circumstances, A didn't receive prenatal care until about 32-33 weeks.  The girls were born just a few weeks after that.  Besides blood sugar issues from gestational diabetes, there were no complications.  No low birth weight, no jaundice, nothing.  The Lord was looking out for these girls in a big way.

Those initial moments in the hospital were so surreal.  I couldn't believe my dream of two years was actually happening, and in the most ideal way I could have imagined.  Honestly it was a dichotomy of emotions.  Here I was overjoyed for my own blessings, but seeing A's difficulties in placing her babies completely broke my heart.  Not to even mention that she had gone through major surgery that ended up not going as planned and had to have several transfusions and such.  Such a physical and emotional toll, and knowing I was partly the cause of it was very difficult.

Newborn twins is no joke.  I thought I was prepared for twins, seeing as I was a teenager when my younger twin siblings were born and how my first two children were a year apart.  Boy was I wrong.  Two babies at one time is a whole new dimension that I was not prepared for.  Sometimes I would feel such guilt over wanting to sleep so badly knowing how much I had prayed and yearned for these babies. 

We have a fairly open adoption worked out. I post pictures a few times a week to our birth family Facebook page and often give updates on the girls.  We have gone to visit a couple of times.  I love that if there are ever any questions that Millie and Brooke have, I can direct them to their birth mother to ask.  People will often ask me how A is doing, and truthfully I don't know.  Our relationship is primarily superficial and only involves Millie and Brooke.  I do wish it was stronger in that regard, and now that my energies are not so spent on newborns and pregnancy, I would like to strengthen that relationship.

People now will ask "How did you do it.  How did you manage to adopt two beautiful, healthy babies?".  To this day I have no answer for that.  For all intents and purposes, we weren't an extremely desirable couple.  We had two small children already--both a boy and a girl.  We lived no where near the birth parents.  But I feel like the Lord had a hand in the whole endeavor.  

For some reason whenever I go out in public with my children, people always say "So you're done, right?"  Thank you for making that decision for me.  Here's the deal. As far as pregnancies go, we are definitely done.  This last pregnancy broke me down in every way possible: physically, emotionally, mentally.  And while it wasn't as deadly as predicted (doctors said I would be lucky if I made it to viability, and we made it all the way to 37 weeks), it was definitely one of the most difficult things I have had to endure and I did, indeed, end up with pre-eclampsia a third time.  Those nine months were awful and I am never putting myself through that again.  The only redeeming factor is that we did end up with a healthy baby at the end, which is much more than many can say.

However, this was our conversation about a week after Ruth was born.

Joseph: So this is probably a really bad time since you're hurting and emotional and haven't slept in months, but I feel like we're going to adopt again.

Me (much to his surprise):  Yeah, I know.  I've felt it too.

Now what this means, I do not know.  I don't know if we'll pursue international adoption in ten years, or be foster parents when our children are teenagers, or heaven forbid something happen to a family member of mine and we take custody of their children.  However the means and circumstance, our family isn't quite finished.  But we're not adding to it any time soon (meaning not within the next decade as far as I can see).

Now while I haven't slept in a year, I am forever grateful for the miracles that are our children.  I could never have seen a year ago where I would be today: with three beautiful little girls added to our family.  Millie and Brooke are such happy souls that daily bring joy to our lives and I feel continually honored to be called their mother.

Ruth Anna's Birth Story

There's so much I want to write about and remember, so I will start with the most recent.  

We welcomed our precious baby Ruth Anna Neary on July 1st at 8:14AM weighing in at 7lb 5.6oz at 37 weeks.

At 35 weeks I got a massive headache and was seeing spots; symptoms that, unfortunately, I was far too familiar with.  After a blood pressure check I was admitted to the hospital for pre-eclampsia.  Medicine and steroid shots were started right away as we waited for lab results to come back.

My 24 hour urine content was off the charts!  The most the hospital had ever seen, in fact. (9.2g if anyone was wondering)  But my liver and kidneys were still holding up strong, and my blood pressure was able to be stabilized.  I was sent home a few days later (at 36 weeks) on strict bed rest with daily check ups and a c-section scheduled at 37 weeks if I should make it that far.  

 One last baby bump pic the night before c-section

We arrived bright and early Friday morning, checking in with a blood pressure of 190/100 (yay!), so they got to delivery pretty quickly.  I'll be truthful and say I totally hate c-sections, especially c-sections with gross medicines, vomiting, and dumb reactions to narcotics.  The only thing getting me through was that beautiful baby at the end.

And boy was she worth it!

(This is Joseph's absolute favorite picture, haha)

Having five children has definitely been an adjustment, especially now that it's almost a month later and all the family is gone and Joseph's paternity leave used up.  Some days I'll feel like a supermom, and a lot others we just barely survive through the day.  In my defense, I felt this way with all my children, even when we only had one, and we always figure it out.  The first two months are always the hardest :)

I wouldn't change how it worked out for anything, though.  All five of our babies are miracles in one way or another, and I thank God every day that I get the privilege to be their mother!

Millie and Brooke's Adoption Story

The last few weeks have been a life-changing, incredible whirlwind.  Frankly, we're still in shock that it actually all happened.

Introducing:
Millie Allison and Brooke Brianne Neary
Born Wednesday, September 23rd at 5:04 PM (both were out within the same minute)
Millie weighed 6lbs 8oz, and Brooke weight 6lbs, 12oz
Both were 18in. long.

On Wednesday, September 2, My Aunt Ally called and told me that her best friend's sister (you got that?) was pregnant with boy/girl twins and was considering placing them for adoption.  We got the call that they wanted to meet with us, and we flew down to Arizona that night!

The first meeting with the birth parents, A and R, went really, really well.  I fell in love with A instantly!  She's a beautiful woman with a selfless heart.  We talked for a few hours about ourselves, about adoption, about our families, and a whole slew of topics.  Afterwards they let us know that they had chosen our family to adopt their twins!  I don't think I've ever been more excited (or nervous).  Because A found us on her own and not through an agency, we decided to pursue a private adoption (only meaning we have our own attorneys instead of going through an agency).

Our attorney, social worker, and NICU nurse

The next three weeks were filled with playdates with A and her adorable son, E, lunch dates with the family and attending doctor's appointments and ultrasounds.  At the first ultrasound our boy/girl twins turned into twin girls.  Talk about a shock!

 

On Tuesday, A let me know that she was scheduled for a C-section the next day.  She was only allowed one person in the operating room with her, and I was honored that she let me (Melissa) go in with her!  After having experienced two C-sections myself, it was so strange to be on the other side.  Anyone who knows me knows I hate needles, so I was an awful support system through all the blood draws, IV, and anesthesia.  I'm glad A was patient with me!



At 5:04, both girls were born within about 30 seconds of each other.  It was an incredible experience!


Brooke



Millie

  Though their lungs had been shown as mature through an amniocentesis, they both struggled with respiratory issues and were put into the NICU.  Millie soon overcame her struggles, but Brooke continued to need extra care for the next little bit

.  The hospital kept them both in the NICU for us so the girls could still be together.



Millie / Brooke

We were able to take the babies home fairly quickly!  We are incredibly grateful and in awe of the blessings that have become part of our family.




Common Questions:

Did you get to name the babies?
Legally, we do, but we talked about it extensively (their names changed about 5 times) with A and we finally decided on Millie and Brooke.





Are they identical?

A didn't have an ultrasound soon enough to see if the babies were identical or fraternal.  They did have different placentas, so there is only a 30% chance they are identical.  For now we're thinking they are fraternal

since they each have some distinct facial features, though despite the differences we have still mixed them up a few times.

 

Millie                                                       Brooke

When can you go home?

It will take an additional 7-10 days to receive permission to cross state borders, but then we will be home free to WY!

Is this an open adoption?

This is a VERY open adoption.  We inherited a slew of cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents with the adoption of these beauties.  We are looking forward to a life of open communication, lots of visits, pictures, videos, gifts, and love from every angle.  These girls are blessed beyond measure!

Birth Grandma (Grammy) with Brooke

We've officially given up on family pictures for the next few years :)

Hyrum Joseph Neary

 I was admitted to the hospital for the 6th and final time on September 27, at exactly 35 weeks.  The pattern was always the same.  I’d go to my appointment, have 4+ protein and really high blood pressures, they’d send me to the hospital, I’d be fine after 24 hours, then they’d send me home.  This time, however, my protein count had gone up to 6.5 grams (7 grams is complete kidney failure), and we were fast approaching the time when my body went to severe preeclampsia with Lydia.  Knowing my condition could change within hours, they decided to have me on full time monitoring at the hospital.  

Most of my day consisted of blood work, 24 hour urine labs, monitoring the baby constantly, getting steroids for his lungs, and trying to not die of boredom.  I felt like I was in a constant state of emergency.  Every morning it would be “well you’re getting worse, maybe we’ll deliver you tonight”. And every night it would be “well you’re getting worse, but we can push you off a day.  Maybe we’ll deliver you in the morning”.  It drove me crazy, but I was extremely grateful for every extra day that Hyrum was able to cook in there.

 Finally the morning of October 4th they decided to deliver me.  I had been on several blood pressure medications, which had been working great until the night before when my blood pressure was dangerously high despite the medication.  Also, my platelets were dropping.  They knew I’d go to severe preeclampsia within 24 hours, so we decided to deliver Hyrum that night at 36 weeks.  

Because of my last C-section experience, I was pretty fearful for what lay ahead, but a blessing and some calming techniques helped me get through all the needles and pain.  I walked into the OR, they numbed me up with a spinal block (which felt amazing my the way--100 million times better than an epidural).  Then they went to work getting little Hyrum out.  It actually took about 30 minutes to get him out because his head got stuck on my innards (that’s how the doctor described it).  They pushed and prodded for about 10 minutes before they finally got the vacuum and suctioned him out.  I didn’t even know a baby could get stuck in a c-section.  Hyrum Joseph Neary was born 5:32 pm on Friday, October 4th weighing 6 lbs 11 oz and measuring 19.5 inches.  I can’t imagine how big he would have been had he been full term.

 My recovering was nothing short of miraculous.  My blood pressure remained elevated for just a few hours after the delivery.  Last time it took about a week in the hospital for that to happen.  Hyrum suffered from low blood sugar and jaundice, and just barely managed to stay out of the NICU, but he pulled through as well!  The c-section experience was night and day compared to my last one.  I was up and walking within 12 hours, I’ve felt fabulous physically and emotionally, and now just a week later I am able to do things that took me about a month to do before.  The lord sure has blessed us!  

Hyrum is a very low-maintenance baby.  Because he is a preemie, he sleeps most of the day, and only wakes up to eat.  I’ve been able to get great sleep, only waking up every three hours to feed him for 30 minutes, and it’s allowed me to give Lydia lots of attention as well so she doesn’t feel quite to jealous.  Actually, she loves Hyrum.  She smiles and laughs whenever she holds him, and most of the time she doesn’t try to poke his eyes out.  He looks 100% like his father, and almost nothing like his sister.  You can barely even tell they are siblings.

 Overall life is really good right now.  The after baby hormones never really came.  I’ve been really happy and emotionally sane.  I hope it lasts!  I want to thank everyone who has helped us these last few weeks whether it be through babysitting, meals, gifts for Hyrum, visiting, or anything else.  Know that it has been appreciated!  I love being a mom of two and have felt more love this last week than I though possible in my little heart.  

Lydia Eve Neary

Lydia Eve Neary was born 6:36 pm August 31. She weighed 6 lbs 4 oz, has beautiful blonde hair, a cute little pixy chin, a little button nose, and is, in the eyes of her parents, perfect in every way. Lydia has taught us from the very beginning that the Lord has his own time table. What will follow is a day by day sketch of how Lydia made her debut

Tuesday, August 28, 2012
We went in for our 36 week appoint and found out that Melissa had a tinge of protein in her urine sample. To make sure it was a fluke, Dr. Savage put Melissa on a 24 hr urine collection. This was slightly amusing considering she had to go to school. We won't bore you with the details, but Melissa was pretty creative in her efforts to covertly walk on campus with her urine-capturing apparatus. Though, it was fun in a weird way to see how much she peed each time.

Wed, August 29, 2012
Technically, Melissa didn't start collecting till 7 am this day.

Thursday, August 30, 2012
We dropped off the sample and got some blood taken at 10:30 that morning.

This is when the magic really started to pick up. Joseph was in the middle briefing Capt. Hart at the detachment when Melissa started calling him. She called him 5 times in a row which is as apparent as a smoke signal in the rain forrest that something was going down. Eventually, Capt Hart told Joseph to answer the phone. When he did, Melissa told him that her 24 hr urine sample had an over abundance of protein in it, which meant she had pre-eclampsia. They usually start worrying if your protein level is above 300, Melissa's was above 5,000.

After getting the phone call to come in ASAP, we drove to Dr. Savage's office (Joseph was told to get goin by Capt. Hart.)  They tested her blood pressure, which was supposed to be under 140/80 for everything to be okay.  It was 152/90.  That mixed with the protein levels got us sent immediately over to labor and delivery in the hospital here in Provo.

Once we got to the hospital they hooked Melissa up to several monitors, a fetal heart monitor, a contraction monitor, a blood pressure cuff, a heartbeat monitor, and other things we just can't remember, iv's and a catheter.  Her blood pressure was steadily rising (171/92), and things just weren't looking good.

They frist started Melissa out on Magnesium, which was supposed to keep away seizures that come from eclampsia, but ironically also can be used as a labor stopper, so we were already fighting against the odds.  Many may know first hand what Magnesium does to you:  severe nausea, hot flashes, sever swelling, etc...  It was NO fun. (and 48 hours from now Melissa is still on it. Gross)

1:30 The doctor comes in and breaks Melissa's water.  That gets the contractions to really start going.

To get the induction going they first started out with something similar to pitocin (like oxytocin, but it started with a C, we can't remember) which was supposed to start things out pretty smooth so she didn't go anywhere too quickly.  The contractions started getting pretty painful about 9 hours into the induction, so Melissa took an epidural then.  It only worked on her left side for the first few hours, but luckily the right side started to kick in by about 6 am and Melissa could get a little sleep (well as much sleep as you can get by having your vitals checked every ten minutes, and lets not even mention the silly IV alarms.  Joseph claims he almost threw it out the window he was so tired of hearing the sound).  At this time Lydia was handling everything like a champ, no distress or problems yet.

Around 6am they checked Melissa and she was at 3cm and 80% effaced.  They started the pitocin to really get things rolling (Friday August 31, 2012).  Melissa was super glad she had the epidural at this point, because the right side was already very painful and it was supposed to be numb.  The cycle for the next 13 hours were constant contractions, throwing up every time Melissa ate too many ice chips, pain in the right side from where the epidural didn't work, and monitoring everything very closely to make sure Lydia was handling it all.

By the time 6pm  rolled around, Melissa was completely exhausted.  After 15 hours on pitocin, she was still only at a 4.  Her body was devoid of energy and just hadn't had a chance to recuperate.  This is about the same time Lydia began reacting badly to the pitocin.  Her heartbeat would drop to dangerously low levels after each contraction.  This is when the decision was made to get Lydia out of there because she probably couldn't handle whatever it would take to get to 10 cm.

6:36pm Friday night Lydia Eve Neary was born: perfect in every way :)

Lydia was quickly cleaned and put into Joseph's arms. He was very excited and glad to see that Lydia was so calm during the whole process.

Post Partum:  It took about 24 more hours to get the high blood pressure to go down and for the doctor to feel comfortable taking Melissa off magnesium.  She now feels a LOT better (besides the incision pain of course).  Lydia has done well except for being jaundice.  She gets to stay under the billi lights full time except for eating.  After all is said and done we have been blessed with a beautiful, healthy baby.  We would do it all again in a heartbeat as long as we got he same result :) (and only if it lasted a heart beat!)