Word for 2014 Check-Up: DELIBERATE

I have really been meaning to write this post for months now.  Originally my intent was to report how my goals and such were doing each month, but somehow time slipped away.  Better late than never!  (Warning, this post turned out a lot longer than I was expecting)

Joseph and I had seen many friends of ours choose personal or family "words" for the year.  Something that exemplified their intent and goals for the coming year.  While deliberating about which word should be our family motto for the year, I heard a John Bytheway talk in which he says something like this (I'm paraphrasing) "Weeds grow in your garden by simply doing nothing.  Flowers only grow if you plant them."  There were lots of flowers we wanted to plant and develop in our family, but we had to be extremely deliberate about it.  It takes work to get better health, it takes work to come closer to God, it takes work to raise a family.  Hence our word of the year: Deliberate meaning done consciously and intentionally.  

If you couldn't tell by now, we are an extremely goal-driven family.  I'm sure we take it too seriously, but it's the way that Joseph and I both tick.  We don't get anything done without a lot of planning and goal-setting.  When we set our weekly goals, we typically choose one from each category: spiritual, physical, and academic.  I (Melissa) can only report for myself since I'm the one writing this post.  I'll have Joseph report sometime if he's interested.

To set my goals, I actually started at the end.  What did I envision myself as at the end of the year?   When I was an events coordinator at BYU, that is how each planning meeting began.  What is our intent with this event?  What numbers do we want? What do we want to come from this?   I decided to do the same with myself.  Where did I want to be health wise?  Spiritually?  What did I want to teach my kids this year?  It was actually extremely easy to set goals after that.  Here's my end result, here's where I don't measure up yet, here's where I need to set my goals.  Probably the most difficult part was that it is easy to see all the different things I have yet to improve on.  Luckily Joseph helped me narrow down my aspirations to my three most important.  For health I wanted to go a year without refined sugar, and reach my goal weight.  For Spirituality I wanted to grow closer to God by praying morning and night, and reading thirty minutes of scriptures each day (habits I used to have, but have sadly gotten lax the last few years).  My academic goals primarily ranged around my children.  I wanted to make sure that I was teaching and loving them all that I could.  It's difficult to put those aspirations into measureable goals, so I chose to do some simple ones: family prayers, family home evening once a week, family scripture study, and reading them a certain number of books each day.

After my goals were set, I had to eliminate all the barriers currently set up that inhibited my goals.  My two biggest obstacles to exercising were kids and the weather, so we rearranged our finances so that I could get a membership at a gym with added day care.  What  a relief it has been to drop the kids off for an hour so i can exercise!  It's nice to get the break with the added endorphins, especially when Joseph is on alert for the Air Force.

The hardest one really is spiritually.  I was fantastic at waking up to my alarm, saying my morning prayers, then reading scriptures before I went off to class.  Then my alarm turned into a crying baby at 5am, and crying babies don't have snooze buttons.  It was difficult to find a time to myself to have scripture study.  I resolved to plan a specific time each day to make this happen, even if it meant that some cleaning or laundry or Joseph time went by the wayside.  

Now let's start with the things I did well, ok?  I think it's important to focus on successes first, haha.  I've done awesome at the health goals.  I did end up reaching my goal weight, and I am on track for a year without refined sugar (9 months in!).  I do exercise 4-5 times each week, and I feel better than ever!  This last time I went to the doctor's for a check-up, I was able to check "excellent" next to my health.  I've never done that before!

Now onto the not-so-well's.  I'm still struggling with planning and finding time for my personal devotional, especially in regards to scripture study.  It's a lot easier to find time for prayers than scripture study.  Sometimes I get to the end of the day, and realize I hadn't read at all that day.  By that time there's no way I can stay up another half hour, so I read for five or ten minutes, then fall asleep.  I'm trying to get more creative in how I get my spiritual outlet: listening to devotionals while I exercise, or conference talks while driving, or scriptures while showering.  It's definitely not the most effective or best way to study, but it's the best I've been able to do right now.  How do you mommies of little ones make time?  I'd love some insight into other's routines.

Same with family scripture study.  Prayers and book reading haven't been too much of a problem, but it turns out a very active toddler and an infant don't want to sit for more than sixty seconds.  Sometimes our devotional includes nothing but our testimony of some gospel truth, and I've decided if that's the best that's going to happen that day, I'm just going to have to accept that.  I've been trying to find ways throughout the day to teach gospel principles as things come up, rather than at a set time as a family.  This way we get family study, but in thirty second increments throughout the day, haha.

The word "Deliberate" took a very personal turn this year when we found out we were unable to have any more children. All of the sudden building a family wasn't going to be so easy.  Most couples don't have to think or prepare too hard to bring children into this world, and I really liked it that way.  Sitting there in front of the adoption application trying to begin it was one of the most difficult steps to take.  It was all or nothing, it or out, deliberate or not.  We've chosen to give it all we've got, which has taken an emotional and financial toll on our family, but I feel like we have been sustained by the Lord to make this all possible.  Somehow he has blessed us with capacities beyond our normal, with the ability to save and live with less so we can afford the adoption, ability to learn talents we did not have before (website designing anyone?), and I'm still currently working on the patience aspect of everything.  Waiting is so hard, especially when I have no control over it.

Overall I'm really excited about the "deliberate" mindset we've developed in our family, and hope it will be one we can carry on after this year.